It makes me angry at myself for how alone I am. It makes me depressed about the fact that I am alone. Yes, I have some friends, I have a lot more work "friends" than I have real friends. I can count the "real" ones on one hand, and have fingers left over.
It’s not that I’m shy. I’m pretty affable. I’m smart; I care about people a lot. I just can’t let anyone in close. I don’t know… I just feel like I have all this potential that I haven’t lived up to, and even if they can’t, I think that guys can sense it about me. And that it’s got to be a turn-off. And when you combine that with the "uh-um", well… it’s not a fun package at all.
I’ve dreamed about him for so long, but as each day goes by, I become less and less convinced that I’ll ever get to meet him. And less and less convinced that anyone out there would actually want me. I don’t know why; I have so much good stuff to offer. I guess there’s just a lot of baggage that I’m not sure why anyone would want to have to carry it through the airport of life…
